Drainage attorney wants to fight the editor

‘Bawk, bawk, bawk’ replies the chicken to the jackal



Sac County Drainage Attorney Colin McCullough said at the bar Friday night — and we are not talking about the Iowa Supreme Court here — that he wants to fight me any time, any place, so that he might shove a fist up me where the sun don’t shine.

Oh, my.

The Des Moines Water Works case has entered into a new phase of arguments.

Brother John, son Tom and I had just returned from Des Moines lugging some hardware that we received at an awards banquet sponsored by the Iowa Center for Public Affairs Journalism and the Iowa Freedom of Information Council. We were honored that our friend and lawyer Steve Hamilton of Storm Lake could be there to share the moment when we received the Friend of The First Amendment Award from the Freedom of Information Council.

We received the honor Thursday for demanding that the Buena Vista, Calhoun and Sac County boards of supervisors should be required to identify where donations for their legal defense are coming from. The supervisors were forced to acknowledge that about $1 million in dark money donations should be made public — but those donors have not been made public because the counties have not formally demanded them. Our action with the IFOIC forced the counties to shut down a corporate agribusiness account that was concealing the donations illegally. We continue, as of today, our request that the counties release the information.

McCullough says he will never tell the public who the donors are. Were it not for The Storm Lake Times, McCullough said, the counties would not be so dug in. The pool game obviously interfered with an accounting of events, which included McCullough telling county officials that they are sure to win. And we obviously have distracted the supervisors from their real work of getting rid of this lawsuit somehow, if McCullough would rather fight us than Bill Stowe of the water works — who is twice my size and looks like a lumberjack.

So fight, fight, fight for the Koch Brothers!

McCullough’s comments are taken in the good humor in which they were offered.

In that vein, I must decline drainage counsel’s invitation.

My elbows are nearly sharp as my wit, but I took on the cause of cowardice disguised as pacifism long ago. Some people who have seen that dirty movie “50 Shades of Gray” might appreciate the fist treatment, but I am of a disinterested and delicate state. And my face is so pretty, if it ever suffered a glancing blow my good side could turn bad.

He sized up Tom at 6’5” and about 210 and decided to challenge me instead.

What a disappointment I must be to him.

McCullough was the one who wanted to hire the starch-shirt lawyers from Des Moines and Washington to rack up those million-dollar tabs. That’s money worth fighting for, since McCullough cashed in $23,728 as of Feb. 16 at the clip of $250 per hour just for toting somebody else’s briefcase. You don’t normally get that kind of work between Lake View and Auburn.

The crazy part is that the county supervisors think he is Clarence Darrow.

The Iowa Supreme Court put McCullough on the pines in 1991, and reprimanded him in 2006 and 2012.

So sure the Sac County supervisors would regard him as their go-to guy in the biggest case that has come their way since the drainage districts were laid.

A lawyer who threatens to do 50 Shades of Sadistic during a pool game with a reporter for The Storm Lake Times. Then again, I suppose Donald Trump holds a healthy lead in Sac County.

I would prefer that he fight someone else.

Someone who understands the rules of criminal procedure. If you poke him with a left tort in the paunch 50 years of Old Crow pickling hard-boiled eggs could erupt, threatening his physical health and the public safety in general.

I would want Judge Duffy or at least Jim Gailey as the referee. If Joe O’Malley were around we would trust him to run a clean book on the side. Some people laying at the lounge could get in on some real dough. But I can’t pencil in a date, and Stowe probably is prevented from a good Saturday night bout at the Sac County Fairgrounds by conflict of interest.

Too bad that I must decline the match for my prettiness but also for to stay above the water works fray. It’s all about objectivity.

So it must go that the only ones to get in on the dough are the likes of Colin McCullough and the bluebloods from lands far, far away.

All we get is an award on which I already have spilled coffee. But I would rather have that than the funk McCullough must have nursed come Saturday morning, even if he is on the drainage district dole.